What’s the dream?

‘The dream’ has been scaled down significantly when a chronic illness joint me on my journey. Life goals become a lot harder to achieve and where I’m going to end up is now more important than ever. My quality of life is compromised but I can still dream and I have a goal- I feel like it will be much harder to get there but I won’t be giving up, somehow I will make it happen.

I see myself looking to the future now more than ever. I have a dream, an ideal that I would love to make reality but I feel like MS might snatch my ability to make it happen away. I feel like I am a ticking time bomb and its just a matter of time before I get BADDDD. How do I make stuff happen? Some days I can’t even make a cup of tea and now I’m in panic mode. What if I don’t achieve what I want because of this?

I will let you in on the dream, my perfect. I want to be able to buy a house and live in a beautiful, warm country, somewhere that isn’t as busy and people take their time. Pace is slowed down slightly and this is what I need. In my head I’ve got Spain, I want to be able to sit outside and have tea at the local cafe overlooking the beach and just embracing the sunlight. Perhaps its not the most extravagant goal but to me this is perfection.

The truth is when I die, I want to leave my children in happiness if thats possible! That leads me to my next question- How do I get through this WITHOUT becoming a burden? The thought of relying on my significant other to go to the toilet and absolutely everything scares me. Not because he can’t do it (he can) but because of the huge impact I’d put on his life and how that might affect him when I’m gone. The thought alone petrifies me, we had visions of growing old together, living our best life when the kids are older as we had them young but I feel like that is slowly becoming an unrealistic dream given my circumstances.

What can I do? I’m a 26 year old in a body that feels 50 years older so where does that leave me in regards to making a dream a reality? I’ve basically retired, I’m not fit for work, I don’t have the energy levels to be within a working environment anymore and that is unfortunate.

Never give up on your dream no matter how hard life gets, you need a goal to help you progress. Even small steps are still getting you closer. The importance of making everyday count has become much more apparent to me recently and as difficult as it might seem I aim to make something of my life, maybe smaller than the original plan but nevertheless I will get there.

I am going to try to not look too much to the future now and just live for today. Yes I’d love to turn my dream into reality but I need to be realistic and accepting of the path I’m on now. I will always live in hope I feel like hope is such an important trait when you have a chronic illness but for now I will just wait for my big break I guess.

Dreams and aspirations, do they mean much to you??

Kim x x

12 thoughts on “What’s the dream?

  1. I admittedly was older when was diagnosed and am obviously at a different stage of a my life than you, but we all have dreams and aspirations, regardless of how old we are. We may need to alter them a bit given our reality, but I think it is critically important to have them.

    Striving for something is what keeps us going, and if a bump in the road occurs either figure out a way around it or change the destination. I know that is often easier said than done, but I can’t imagine anything more bleak or depressing than not having something to strive for or look forward to.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. First, you must have a plan, then… SMART goals. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, with a Realistic Timeline. Then while you are busy planning… don’t forget to live in the present! This can all be very overwhelming or it can be very comforting. My husband and I know what our goal is, it has taken two years of classes and 3 concurring years to begin all the downsizing, we still know we have house improvements to make as well as reaching zero balance on our cards… my point is, you will reach your goal if you plan it out. AND. Don’t forget to smell the roses along the way! We make ourselves do something/ anything fun once a week. Even if that is just a walk with the dogs and a rented movie with popcorn. Full-time RVing is our goal. We are almost there! Thrilling and nerve-racking at the same time probably cause we are soooo close! (2 more years, it was our 5-year plan!) ~Kim

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Adam

    Your dream made me smile. As a Cornish lad I can safely say that long lazy days by the beach are the best.
    But don’t feel guilty about having to be cared for at points because caring is one of the most amazing things to do in my opinion. You get to see the difference you make all the time. At the end of the day its not your fault you have MS and sometimes you need to share an umbrella to survive the storm.
    Hope your well.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dreams and aspirations are some things that make life worth living. At least that’s how I feel. Never give up on them. We might not reach them but the point is to keep moving forward no matter what. Kudos to following yours!

    Liked by 1 person

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